Finding Damon
by bibi 13ca
Summary: Another story (sort of post 5.22) - I haven't seen the last few episodes of season5. So, Damon is gone and Elena's tying to deal with it in a different way... oh, you know I am no good at Summaries, just read the story! Don't forget to review! M for language, violance, mention of violance and adult subject matter. (altough not in the first chapter).
1. Chapter 1

**N: I have noticed that a few authors came out of retirement lately and I am one of them. I just could not resist a mourning Elena. There will be another chapter or two, it depends how long it takes Elena to complete the task. **

**Please keep in mind that I am writing this without having seen the last few episodes of season 5 or the first episode(s) of season 6, so if anything reads out of place I am sorry.**

**Enjoy and don't forget to review!**

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><p><strong>A way out<strong>

I knock on the door twice before taking a step back and waiting patiently for the door to open. The note with the address on it it's still clinched tightly in my hand, not that I need it, I have memorized the address the moment she dictated it to me via phone. I take in a much needed yet useless breath and I just realize my palms are sweaty. I can't recall the last time I have been this nervous. Probably the blue ink on the paper is already been smudged and unreadable. After another ten seconds I knock again, with more force this time. It seems that even since I turned into a vampire all the tasks that require an optimum amount of strength have become a challenge. Shaking hands, holding a glass, pushing my way through a crowed or knocking on a door. Avery time I am performing any of these actions I have to make sure I am not using my vampire strength. I wouldn't want to crush someone's hand or tore apart someone's door.

Finally after what seems like hours the door opens. First it's only a crack, but as soon as the person on the other side sees me, the door opens wide. A tiny old lady comes into my view and she reminds me of my grand-grandmother. I have never met her, but I have seen black and white pictures on several occasions and she did look a lot like the lady now standing in front of me.

"Are you Elena?" she asks. Now I recognize the voice as the one I talked to a couple of days ago. The voice is calm, confident but somehow it sounds young, much younger than the woman I am seeing. She sounds a bit surprised, maybe she thought I wouldn't show up. Or maybe I am not what she was expecting, she definitely isn't what I was expecting.

"I am," I finally answer and she nods. "Artemis?" I ask in return, the meaning of her name didn't go unnoticed. The name comes from the Greek Goddess Artemis, Goddess of hunt and wildness. There is a sparkle in her eyes that makes me think that back in the day she must have been pretty wild.

"You remind me of someone I met a long time ago," she says and I am pretty sure I notice a smirk for in the corner of her mouth. Just as I am about to ask her who is the person I remind her of, she comes out of the house and closes the door behind her mumbling a few words I don't understand under her breath. I am confused. Are we going to do this on the porch?

"Come," she orders and passes right by me. I follow her without a word. Obviously there is more to the plan and it is clear that we are not going to remain on the porch. The little white cabin from behind her house comes to focus just as we pass the rose garden. No wonder I haven't noticed it before, it seems to be hidden in the woods, kept from sight by trees and fog. We only reach the small cabin ten minutes later, the old lady walks slowly – or it might be because my vampire speed makes everything seem slow motion.

"Elijah told you my price?" she asks as she is pulling a golden chain from underneath her many robes. There is an old fashion key at the end of it and is shines bright for a split second as the morning sun hits it through the tall trees.

"Yes, he did," I say simply. "So, you met Katherine?" I ask. I just cannot help myself, I really want to know if she is the one I remind her of. Seeing that she is an old friend of Elijah and he has always had a soft spot for Katherine, I imagine she must be the one she met a long time ago.

"Not in person, no."

"It's just that" I hesitate. "You told me I remind you of someone you met a long time ago."

"Yes, you do," she smiles softly. I take the simile as a confirmation that it's not Katherine. No one who met Katherine would think of her with that kind of smile on their faces years later. It doesn't look like Artemis wants to talk about that matter so I drop the subject. At least for now. I need to concentrate on the reason I came to see her.

As she gets inside I stop in the doorway. I swing my weight from one foot to another crossing my arms in front of my chest in some sort of annoyance that is new to me. Did she forget I am a vampire and I cannot get in unless she invites me? I clear my throat loudly and she finally stoops in the middle of the room and looks my way.

"Is there a problem?" she asks. Really?

"Uhh," I am not sure if she is actually asking me that or she is just messing with me. "You need to invite me in," I say unsure.

"Child the cabin is not owned by a living person, there are spells keeping creatures like you away. I will lift the spell just give me a minute."

Oh, that makes sense. Of course she doesn't live here, she lives in the house where I first knocked on the door. I can't say I blame her for not wanting to invite anyone into her actual home.

"Done," she yells about two minutes later. I put my hand through the door. Satisfied that there was no invisible shield to hold me back, I step in. "Don't be frightened child, I will not hurt you," she says. It makes me smile. I am basically the deadliest weapon in the world and she is insinuating that I am frightened by a small old lady that looks like she is about 150.

"I am not frightened."

"Of course," she says kindly. She is patronising me. It's ridiculous. "Come sit in front of me. Tell me, who are you trying to contact? Friend, lover, boyfriend?"

"All of the above," I say simply.

"So you want to contact more than one person?"

"No. the person I want to contact is all of those things to me," I am looking her straight in the eyes as I say this. She doesn't blink.

"Very well, tell me about him," she tilts her head as if asking me what I am waiting for.

"I'd rather not. I brought the things you asked," I start taking random items out of my bag. "Things that belonged to him," I go on. I take out a black John Varvatos shirt, a comb, a perfume and a muffler.

"You have to if you want me to make a connection. I do not know this person, I can only see him through you," she says and picks up the shirt. Something inside of me cringes.

"His name was Damon Salvatore, turned vampire by Katherine Pierce, aka Katerina Petrova in 1964. He had a younger brother, Stefan, turned the same year by the same vampire. Average height, midnight black hair, blue-gray eyes, sexy, well build_"

"Stop!" she interrupts.

"What?" I ask a little bit annoyed. She just told me to tell her about Damon, now she wants me to stop.

"That is not what I had in mind when I told you to talk about him. I want to know who this person was, what did he mean to you, what_"

Now it's my turn to interrupt her. "He meant everything to me!" I yell. All of a sudden I can feel my heart aching, tears are pouring from my eyes, hot, heavy, unstoppable. I place my hand on my chest because it feels like my insides are fighting to come out through my skin, starting with my heart. My head starts throbbing, the blood in my veins is boiling. "He was brave," I continue through sobs and moans of pain. "He was loyal to the point where it killed him," a sound very similar to the sound a wounded animal would make bursts from my throat. "And passionate. He never did things half way," at this point I am curled into a ball on the floor, slightly rocking back and forward. "Stubborn," I say and a broken laugh reaches my ears taking me by surprise. "So stubborn. He always had to do things his way. He was protective of the ones he loved. He…he," I can't find my words for a second. "He never put anyone's live, including his own, above mine," my voice goes down a few decibels. "Nothing in the world can compare with being loved by him," I look at the woman in front of me, but I cannot see her. The flames of the candle between is are dancing chaotically before my eyes. It feels like my heart is burning just like the flames. "The thought that I might never see him again, hear his voice again, touch him," sobs are ripping through me, taking control again. My body starts shaking uncontrollably and I clench my fists hopping to regain some control over my body, but it's too late. The pain had been in there for too long. For too long I have supressed my grief. I forget that I am not alone. With both hands over my belly, I scream. Once. Twice. I think people back in Mystic Falls might hear me, but I don't care. I scream for all the feelings I can't put into words. I scream for all the pain I feel passing through me, thicker than blood, sharper than fangs and hotter than fire. "I need him," the words are barely understandable. Maybe I am not even actually saying them, I just know they are there, inside my mind. "I need his strength and his cocky smile," I try to wipe my tears, but my face is so wet with them, it seems pointless.

The last few minutes are a blur. I remember a sharp pain frying my brain and a feeling of numbness.

***Trance***

When I awake the first sound I am aware of is the rhythmic ticking of the clock. Moments later I acknowledge the fact that I am lying on the floor, but my head is resting on some sort of pillow.

"I had to calm you down somehow, so I knocked you out," I hear the old lady and soon enough I see her bending over me. She's holding a cup of what looks like steaming tea. I force myself in a sitting position. My head still feels like it's ready to explode. "Drink," she urges placing the cup between my hands. "It's blood, it will help you heal the damages I have caused, your head will stop hurting." I take a few sips and before I know, the cup is dry and she is taking it away from me.

"I am sorry I went to pieces like that," I say. My voice is still shaky.

"With all the pain you have inside, it's a miracle that you are still standing child," she says and pets my hair.

"Did it work?"

"Well," she takes in a breath. I guess the answer is 'no' and a part of me is wondering if I am going to be able to take it without falling apart. "I have good news, sort of," I look at her confused. "Child, the person you are looking for is not dead," she finally says and I just stare at her.

"What?" I ask, my voice a strangled whisper.

"I can't reach him, which means he is not dead. He is in some other place, some other time, but not dead," she explains like that was supposed to mean something to me. The words 'not dead' are on repeat in my mind and I cannot quite understand anything else she's saying to me. I can hear her, yet the words make no sense.

I look around like I am seeing the place for the first time before looking at Artemis again. She must have read the confusion on my face, because she takes my hand in his. "Damon Salvatore, the man you told me about is not dead, but Elena_"

"Where is he?" I ask and she sighs deeply. Not a good sign.

"I don't know. Like I said, another time and space, s_"

"How do I get him back?"

"I don't th_"

"How. Do. I. Get. Him. Back?"

"There is a way, but it's very risky," my eyes widen. 'There is a way' that's all I needed to hear.

***Trance***

I opened the door after the second knock. My first though is that it's Caroline, although a part of my wonders why is she knocking.

"Ric?" I ask in surprise. I wasn't expecting to see Alaric on my doorstep.

"Elena," he returns. He walks in and I close the door turning to face him. "Caroline and I have been talking," he begins unsure. This is not good. "Look, this is going to sound extreme, but," he sighs. "I can help you. I can help you forget him," he finally gets it out in one breath.

"Forget," I start confused and then it hits me. He wants to compel me to forget Damon. "You are not serious?" I ask, but I don't wait for an answer. "I bet it was Caroline's idea. She never approved of Damon and I. I must admit, I did expect something like this from her, but not from you of all people."

"Elena, think about it, the grief is consuming you. I don't mean forget Damon for good, just the way you felt about him."

I can't let him go on with this ridiculous plan, so I just tell him what I promised myself I will not tell anyone. "Damon is not dead, Ric!"

"This way you will be able to_" he stops mid-sentence. "What did you say?"

"Damon is not dead," I repeat.

"What, how, who, what?" he is mumbling and I can't blame him. "Elena, denial is not_"

"I am not in denial, Ric. I have been to see a witch."

"A wich?"

"Yeah, Elijah's friend, she_"

"When did Elijah became involved in any of this?"

"He came to offer his condolences, sort of. I told him I wish I could know if he is alright, you know, at peace and he told me about a witch who can contact the dead."

"Ok, I think I follow. So you went to see this witch?"

"Yes, but she couldn't contact Damon."

"Elena, that doesn't mea_"

"It means he is not dead. She said he is trapped in another time and space."

"Another time and space? Elena this is crazy," he says and I must admit he has a point, but it's all I've got.

"I know, but it's better than dead, this way I can try and find him. It means there's a chance I can get him back." Now I see pity clear on Alaric's face. He thinks I am losing it. Maybe I am, who cares.

"And how are you supposed to get him back exactly. In case I am missing something we cannot travel in time."

"No, my body can't, but my spirit can. She's going to put me into a trance. My body will remain here, but my spirit will travel in space and time so that I can look for Damon," I say and smile softly. The gesture feels strange to me, I haven't been smiling in what seems like years.

"What's the catch?" Alaric asks skeptical.

"What makes you think there's a catch?"

"Elena, how many times have we used magic?" he pauses even though he is not actually expecting me to answer the question. "And tell me one time when we used magic and there were no consequences?" again, he makes a good point.

"Fine," I give up, but I don't look at him as I explain what Artemis explained to me just a few hours ago. "I could get lost too and never find my way back."

"No way!" he protests, just like I knew he would. "Elena this is too risky, just think about it," I don't let him finish.

"Don't you think I did? You don't understand, no one understands," I am yelling at him. Lately I seem to have the patience and control of a day old vampire. "When he placed that cure in my hand after we thought we got rid of Silas for good, I knew I would never take it, do you know why?" this time I pause without actually expecting an answer. "Because I knew he would never take it. I chose eternity for him." There is a charged silence that falls after my last word.

"Elena," he whispers, but I raise my hand to silence him.

"I used to look at this infinite life frame and I was happy to have all this time with him. Now I am thinking of it and it's so long. Damnit Ric, I can't do this without him, I don't want to. If it takes me a hundred years to find him, than I will spend a hundred years looking and if it takes me a thousand that so be it. I have all this never ending time, I can think of no better way to spend it than looking for the one that will make it all worth it again."

"What about Jeremy?" there it is, the million dollars question.

"Just tell him I had to take on a new identity and I will be gone for a while," I hold in the impulse to cry again, I swallow instead. It goes through like a nod and stops in my chest. I will do this no matter what anyone says. I know that and by the designated look on Alaric's face he knows that too.


	2. Chapter 2

**N: Hey guys, sorry for the short chapter, but I wanted Elena's first day away to be on a separate chapter, so here you have it. It looks like it will be a few chapters long istead of two or three.**

**Enjoy and review!**

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><p><strong>Damon Salvatore's biggest weakness<strong>

I am sitting in the old armchair in front of the fireplace, the flames act like a magic orb, flashing images of Damon at me, as if I needed a reminder of what I have lost. I am aware of the heat coming from everywhere, enveloping my cold skin, but I pay little attention to it. All I can think about are Damon and Bonnie. I am wondering if they are together. A small part of me of wondering why was it easier for me to let go and come to pace with my best friend's death yet doing the same where Damon is concerned, it's not an option. I feel guilty for a moment because there is no argument, if they are not together and I find Damon it will still be the happiest day of my life. Artemis is singing softly as she is placing candles around the bed that was not resting in the middle of the room. The bed was for me. To rest in it as my mind or spirit or whatever, goes in search for Damon. She only spoke a few words to me since I got here. She told me it will be difficult task, she told me to follow my heart that it would lead me right, I have no idea what that means really, and she told me she will keep me safe. The last part was all I really understood. I look down and I notice that my hands are slightly shaking in my lap.

"Nervous?" Artemis asks. I turn around. Her pale blue irises are fixated on my hands. Busted.

"I little," I say softly. I don't want her to know just how scared I am. Nobody ever accused Elena Gilbert of being a coward. The truth is I have been a coward for so long, too scared to admit my own feelings. I think back now, to the moment I knew deep in my heart that I loved Damon, it seems we have lost so much time. So much time we could've spent together but we didn't because I was too scared. So, it turns out I am a coward even though no one called me on it. I hide it well. Behind a brave façade, behind the wish to protect the ones I love and behind the man that came to mean everything to me. I could put on a brave face when he was near only because I knew that no matter how bad things got, I had him. It had been my safety net. Now, I am trying to do all these acrobatic jumps without him and I am terrified.

Artemis hands me a steaming cup and I watch her confused, but I take it anyway. "It's just tea. I am not sure it would work as well for vampires, but for humans it works. It's supposed to help you calm down a bit," she smiles and I take a few sips. It's hot. So hot it burns not only the tip of my tongue, but my throat as it slides down. I don't care. It heals instantly. "Are you afraid you won't find him?" she asks and I look at her once more. "Or are you afraid you will?" she goes on and I blink a few times taking in her words.

"Both," I answer honestly. "I mean, you did tell me he might not recognize me." She nods.

"It could happen."

"No offence, but you are really bad at all this comforting thing," I actually laugh and so does the old woman. She is actually quite pretty when she does that.

"Elena," a third voice comes from the doorway and both Artemis and I turn towards the door.

"Caroline," at first it's surprise, but once I realize why she must be here I sit up ready to give my speech. "Caroline, I know why you are here and_"

"I am not here to stop you," she says taking me by surprise once more. She makes her way towards me and stops a few steps away.

For a few seconds, that seem like hours, we just stay still, look at each other. "You are not?" I ask, but I don't wait for an answer. I heard what she said and I am not about to play stupid. "Good," I go on. "Because my mind is made and I am doing this no matter what any of you has to say." There. I made my point. It is my decision to make and whoever doesn't like it can just go take a vervain bath for all I care.

"I know," she smiles sadly. "Go bring them home!"

"I will. What made you change your mind?"

"I want my best friend back too. Plus," a big grin appears on her flawless face. "If there's anyone that's going to help me take back Mystic Falls, it's Damon."

Now I am the one greening. She is right. "He is the one with the plan," I say and she shrugs.

I turn my attention towards the flames once more and I barely hear her when she asks me if I am ok in a whisper.

I take in a breath and let it out slowly. "The witch," I point towards Artemis. "Artemis," I say her name and Caroline nods. "She told me that Damon might not know who I am. Apparently traveling through time can give you amnesia," I try to joke, but Caroline could see through me even since we were ten and I would lie about what I wrote in my journal. I don't mean to, but the way she looks at me makes me go on. "If that is the case…what am I supposed to say to him? How do I make him understand what he means to me? How do I even begin to explain how much I love him and yet, I let him die?" a few tears appear in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I have cried and cried for too long. Now I have the chance to do something that would actually help. I am not about to waist my energy on another crying marathon.

"Ah, Elena," Caroline sighs. "If there is anything I know for sure about Damon Salvatore is that he has one big weakness and it's not vervain," she pauses for effect. "It's you," she points at me. "You make him remember! And if he doesn't, you act like your charming Elena Gilbert self and make him fall in love with you again."

"I'd like that," the words are out of my mouth before I get the chance to even think clearly. "Start fresh, you know. Just me and him. No one," I stop, but by the look on my friend's face, she knows what was to come.

"No, Stefan?"

"No one to get hurt in the process."

I am so caught up in my fantasy about Damon and me falling in love in some other time and place that I don't notice Artemis going out. I only notice her coming back in. she is pushing one of those blood transfusion holders.

"We have to give your body blood or you would desiccate," she explains before Caroline or I have the chance to ask. I guess it makes sense, I could be gone for months or years.

"Caroline, would you make sure_" she doesn't let me finish. We both know I am about to ask her to take care of my body, we don't have to say the words.

"Of course."

I make my way towards the bed, but before I reach it Caroline is in front of me. She hugs me so tight, if I wasn't a vampire, I am sure she would've broken a few bones. "I'll miss you," she mumbles between sobs. I hug her back, but I don't say a word. I am sure that if I do, my whole 'no crying' plan will go to hell and before I know it I will be sobbing just as badly as the tiny blonde in my arms is. "When you find that stubborn pain in the butt of a vampire and my stubborn self-sacrificing best friend, you make sure they know how mad I am," I nod. "And, Elena," she pulls back to look at me. Her mascara is more under her eyes instead of her lashes, he pink lipstick if only visible on a corner of her lower lip and her crayon is anywhere but where it should be. She looks like a blonde, cute, green-eyed raccoon. "Thank Damon for me, would you? For Stefan, I mean," and then it hits me. I should've known. I have been such a terrible friend. Caroline was not only mourning Bonnie or her home town, she was missing Stefan. All those voicemails, how could I not notice until now?

"Caroline," I start softly. "You and Stefan…I mean, do you feel something for him?"

It takes Caroline a few deep breaths and sighs before she answers. "I did. I do. I don't know," she looks away for a moment before continuing. I let her know I am ok with it as I encourage her to go on. "He was tortured by travelers, than all hell broke loose with you and Stefan and the travelers and everything and then…then he died and when he came back his brother was dead," she wipes her tears with the back of her hand. "He just left. No 'goodbye' no 'see ya!' nothing, and I…"

"You miss him," I finish. She just nods. We hug once more before Artemis asks me to lay on the bed.

Once the needle is secure in my vain, Artemis waves her hand and the candles light up all at once. Caroline takes a step back and I rise my hand as if to stop her from leaving.

"Can I stay?" Caroline asks and Artemis shrugs.

"You can, but she'll be unconscious in a few minutes."

After she makes a cross on my forehead with some sort of scented oil, she presses something in my hand. I look down, it's the picture with Damon and me. I gave it to her two days ago when she asked for something that reminds me of him.

"Hold on to this. I can only give you one thing to take with you, it's the last time I am asking. Are you sure that is what you want to take?" I nod and clench my fingers tight around the picture. "Alright. Ready?"

"Yes," I smile at Caroline and she smiles back in a reassuring way. I know she's terrified and honestly so am I, but her smiles helps. I close my eyes as Artemis starts chanting in articulate, unfamiliar words. The last thing I remember is feeling really sleepy and the smell of candles before unconsciousness takes over.

***DE***

When I wake up I am somewhere in the woods. The earth is damp so I know I am not in the same woods in Mystic Falls, it hasn't rained in weeks. I take a deep breath, it smells like pine and dirt. I would say it's dawn or close to dawn. The sunlight is deeming with every passing minute. I concentrate as hard as I can, trying to pick up a sound to point me in the direction of civilization, but I can't hear anything. It's not possible, even in the woods, there are sounds. Animals, water or other types of noises, but I only hear the sound of my breath. There is only one explanation. I take a rock from nearby and cut myself. The blood comes out of the light scratch. I look at it as is I am hypnotized. I waited two full minutes for the wound to heal. It didn't. that could only mean one thing. I was human…


End file.
